Living the dash. It may have had something to do with my selection of a movie last night to unwind from a hectic month of errands, ministry, performances, private teaching, or the mundane routine
of life-but I had a very real and vivid dream last night about the future..not sure if this was from God and I will have to pray about that later. But I just have to type out this dream to try and make sense of what it meant.
I had a dream that I was with an ex-boyfriend and then all of a sudden, in a blink of an eye, I was in a cemetery where I was planning to bury my mother in the same grave as my father. In the dream, she had passed away. In real life, my father passed away in 1991 and his grave is seldom visited until recently-by me. I have been making plans to insure that my mom's plot was purchased years ago and that she will be buried next to him or with him. My mom is very young. She is 70 years old, but has the energy and zest of a 16 year old!! This is the result of many years of speaking life and youth based on the Psalms, to her body, on a daily basis. She is an example to me of growing better, not bitter, with age because of the intimate time of worship spent at Jesus Christ's feet.
Back to my dream. At the cemetery, I knew that the eldest of my two brothers, Tony, had been buried. My last brother, Greg, had just been laid to rest, in my dream, on top of Tony. I wasn't informed of this and I ordered the grave to be dug so that I could get Greg to open his piercing blue eyes-the eyes similar to Tony, passed down from my father's eyes. When I opened his eyes, they were black. In my dream, I refused to admit he was in fact, dead. I had known in this dream that my older and only sister, Kim, had passed away as well. The cause of their early deaths were unknown to me. I just remember that I had this recurring thought in my dream-"If only".."If only I had visited them more, called them more. Even tho they rarely reached out to me (which is true in real life), I could have at least looked past that to reach out to them.
Then I awoke. Back to real life. I immediately thought that my days were numbered here. Our days are numbered. Am I truly making an effort to cultivate the DNA of my family? Currently, my mother lives on the other side of this island I'm on-Lately, it seems that I only see her during ministry activities. To think that losing my father at an early age would cause me to treasure each day with my her..this I do. But bills need to be paid and I work very hard just to responsibly pay for them. On my off days, I am too tired to make the effort to see them or visit them. I must change this way of thinking- now.
This is a blog about nothing major-just everyday normal things. I will blog at least once a month (smile).